Where is Mr. Right?

     Living in a small town is hard. Especially when you are a gay male between the ages of 13 to 25. Living here is great, don't get me wrong. The view is great, the weather always keeps you on your toes, the job pays well, and the people... well the people are, okay. However, finding love, yeah, that sucks. I mean the town isn't too small to not find another gay male that would be nice to date, it's just that I can never find one that actually wants to date me.

     I am definitely not a prominent member in the gay community. Sure people know I'm gay but it's not like I'm all “I'm here and I'm queer.” I enjoy my privacy. Since when has that gotten me anywhere? I walk down the street to my job, here at the newspaper in downtown Missoula, and I see many gay couples walking around. I've always noticed too that they are always, and I mean always, ridiculously good looking. I'm good looking... I think. I have an average body, dress pretty well, I try to keep my hair nice but it usually just ends up a mess anyways, doesn't help with the curl in it. I have to wear glasses, so I prefer the “Buddy Holly” look, I was always a real sucker for the '50s style. So why don't I seem to get a man?

      Is it the fact that I'm socially awkward? Sure I like to make a fool out of myself sometimes, but whenever a remotely cute guy even tries to talk to me I'm always flustered with the fact that a guy is talking to me... You see, I never had much luck with “relationships”... at all actually. Let me tell you a little bit about them...

      First there was Tyler. I don't know if you could consider it an actual relationship since I was only about thirteen when I met him, and I met him online. The extent of our “relationship” was through a couple of phone calls and a shit load of text messages. It was nice while it lasted, I think it was nice. I mean to think that I actually meant something to someone, even if they were miles and miles away. I do have to say at least he was in the state! That was a plus. However, in the end it was hopeless.... I actually just recently caught up with him and it seems he is raising money for the “transition”, to turn into a female...

      Then came into my life a kid that I thought was very, very much the man of my dreams. His name was Ken, and throughout the first two years of my time in high school he was my ultimate crush. It didn't help that he sensed it and pretty much played me to liking him even more. The fact that I got to dress out next to him in gym class was always nice as well. He would shower and I would be able to see him naked, with out directly looking at him naked. Oh the nights I had after I saw that. However, when we had an intimate moment, when we went underneath a bridge and talked, I found out, indirectly that is, that he was just saying he was “bi-sexual” to get back at his dad. Let me tell you though, he knew how to play the ones that liked him.

      Then there was James. Yet another guy I met online. However instead of just texts, that were awkward, it included awkward phone calls late at night and awkward moments on skype. It wasn't until my friend and I went to go meet him in person did I found out how really awkward an already awkward moment could get. We can say that this thing we had going, didn't end in a positive “lets be friends,” way.

      And lastly, there was a guy that I thought maybe could last for a while. Say hello to Damien. This hot little thing I met at a concert with friends. I soon stalked him down on facebook and we became friends. Exchanging numbers and texting for quite sometime. It was always enjoyable conversations and I really found myself actually falling for this kid. He was HOT, did I mention that, and the fact that I'm always just referred to as “cute”, this whole thing we had was pretty mind blowing to me.
      However, it quickly ended with me going to see him one night with him and his friends. They got drunk while I stayed sober, due to the fact that I hate the taste of beer. The next day though, things took a change for the scandalous. We went into his friends room with her to “take a nap.” However, when cuddling turned into groping and hands went into pants my life was forever changed. I mean being eighteen and having my first sexual experience in any way was amazing.
It ended, yet again on the wrong note. He was not ready for something more... and I was just his little back up plan....

      So here I am at 25, fresh out of college, well sort of. I have a job that I wanted since my senior year in high school as a photojournalist for a well known paper in my community. Yet, I'm half broke and still single.

      However, it's not all bad is it? I mean it couldn't get worse could it? At least I have a job that I like. I have a roof over my head, I have all the necessitates for being a single man on my own in a small city. It's just that last fact that I'm not enjoying very much.

Single.

Single..

Single...

      Not a term I enjoy but I've lived with it for about all my life.

      I have this dream though, of getting married to a nice guy that's sort of like me. Very creative, artsy, goes with the day and loves to have fun. Not afraid of being himself or being a little goofy in public. He would keep my life interesting and I could always count on him and vice versa. We'd adopt a child and have a family and we'd have a lifestyle that was very nice, but not too expensive. We'd be able to grow old together and we'd die in each others arms.

      Maybe I'm too much of a romantic, my head is always up in the clouds... Maybe one day I'll find Mr. Right....

     Until then, I ask you....

Where is Mr. Right?